Lesson 8

You've Got To Add A Lotta Kindness

2 Peter 1:7

The Priority Of Relationships. Life is filled with a variety of relationships. From the moment you are born until the moment you die, you are constantly entering into and involved in relationships with other people.

There are family relationships - Parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. Eventually most of us have a spouse and then children. We have in-laws - mother-in-law, father-in-law, brothers and sisters-in-law, sons-in-law. Yuck! These are all family relationships

There are occupational relationships - Bosses, supervisors, employers, employees and co-workers. There are customers and clerks.

There are neighborhood relationships - Across the street, around the corner, down at the supermarket, at the gas station, at the dress shop or parts place, the teacher, the receptionist.

There are professional relationships - Your doctor, your dentist, your lawyer, your realtor, your accountant, your mechanic, your UPS delivery man.

We all have friends. No man is an island. We cannot escape from or totally eliminate relationships. For sure, not all of them are of equal importance, but to some degree, we are all involved in relationships with other people. Life on earth is largely about relationships.

The Potential Of Relationships. Our relationships with other people either bring us pleasure or pain. They can make us better or they can make us bitter. They can bless us or they can bother us. The way that we can relate to other people can make us happy or sad or mad or frustrated or excited. The potential of any number of emotions is right there in the relationship.

The most significant part of your life is often controlled by your relationship with those people with whom you are most connected. Think about it. A problem in your relationship with one person can spoil every part of your life, ruin your mood, consume your mind, control your emotions. You have a tiff with your partner, your son stays out beyond his curfew and doesn't phone you, your parents don't take time to listen, a friend hurts your feelings, you are frustrated with your boss or with your worker, your teacher or your student, a neighbor calls you up and cusses you out because your dog tore up his garbage, a store clerk or customer is short with you, a kid in your Sunday School class makes fun of the way you sneeze, your grandma says that you're too skinny, your girlfriend hangs up on you. Do you see how much of our lives are centered on our relationships.

People were created for relationships - first with God, then with other human beings. Relationships offer us the most intense pleasures in life and at times threaten us with the possibility of the most intense pain in life. The worse pain in life is not a broken body but a broken heart. When we are rejected, betrayed, criticized, falsely accused, misunderstood, overlooked, ignored, unloved, unappreciated, distrusted, troubled and hated we feel the deepest hurt possible. It is problems in our relationships that send us to the bookstore in search of self-help books, that send us to counselor's couch or to the doctor for some nerve pills. It is a problem in relationships that lead some to try to find relief in a bottle or a pill and that lead others to contemplate the unthinkable - suicide.

We really need help with our relationships. Well, I've got some good news. The Bible has the answers. The Bible is a very practical book. It speaks about those things that are right where we live. It has some very good and helpful advice about how to improve, really how to revolutionize your relationships with other people.

I have come to the conclusion and I am convinced that our relationships would be revolutionized and remarkably improved by one simple change. I'm not talking about something that is complex or sophisticated. What I am speaking of can be summarized in just one word - kindness. I know that that sounds too simple and seems too elementary but I genuinely believe that your relationships would be revolutionized by kindness.

Often, far too often, we are just not very kind to the people with whom we deal. I sometimes think that we show more common courtesy and kindness to the general public than we do with our own people. Someone has said that the home is the place where we are loved the most, treated the best and act the worst. We give ourselves permission to be mean, hateful, rude, impatient, selfish, unsympathetic, hostile, oppressive and even cruel to those who love us the most. The real you is not that guy that comes to church on the Lord's Day, dressed in his Sunday best. The real you is often wearing a disguise in public. The real you is the one your wife knows, or your children, or your parents. And, too often, the real you, is not a kind person.

Amazingly, the Bible tells us to be kind. I say, amazingly, because this command seems so obvious that it shouldn't even have to be in the Bible. But it is. More than once. Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another. Colossians 3:12-13 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. I Corinthians 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind. Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

And on the list of things that Peter tells us to add to our faith is "brotherly kindness." II Peter 1:7 And to godliness (add) brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.

The Greek word translated "brotherly kindness" is "philadelphia" which as you probably already know means "brotherly love". It speaks of friendship and affection. Think about what Peter is saying. He is telling us to add friendships to our faith. We are to be affectionate to one another. One of my greatest fears is that people will come to church and sit on the fringes without developing any relationships. They come to hear the preacher and listen to the music and then go their way. But faith and friendship go together.

Spiritual growth means godliness (our vertical relationship with God) and kindness (our horizontal relationships with others). You must add both to your faith.

So what does kindness look like and how can I add it to my faith?

Kindness certainly involves your words, what you say. Speak kindly. But kindness also includes your tone of voice, not just what you say but how you say it. And kindness is certainly more than just words, it is also deeds and actions, see II Samuel 9. But acts of kindness must be attached to an attitude of kindness. Kindness in not revengeful - it does not return evil with evil. It is not mean-spirited, rude or unfriendly. Kindness may mean for you bearing another's burden, guarding from gossip, prejudice and narrowness. It could mean including in your fellowship activities, someone who may not be adept at socializing or accepting a person who has a different orientation or philosophy from your own.

So how can I be a kinder, gentler person? Sure, I admit that I am suppose to be kind, but not sure just how. I believe the answer is found in Ephesians 4:31-32.

This section of Paul's letter deals with what I call the "Old Man / New Man" Principle. Verse 22 - put off the old man; verse 24 - put on the new man. When you become a Christian, there are some things from your old life that you must get rid of. But it isn't enough just to rid your life of bad habits. Christianity is not reformation. It involves replacement. You get rid of the old and replace it with the new. Jesus said that the person who sweeps his house of an evil spirit and then stops, is in danger of 7 new evil spirits occupying his place. Get rid of the old, replace it with the new.

Now notice verses 31-32. Here is a direct and explicit command concerning kindness. Be ye kind one to another. Surrounding this command are six sinful vices to cast off from the old life and two supernatural virtues to put on in your new life.

Remove ...

Bitterness - smoldering resentment.

Clamor - outward acts of violence.

Anger - a deep subtle feeling of sin

Evil speaking - slander, criticism, gossip

Malice - hatred on the inside

Wrath - a wild explosion of rage.

And, according to Paul, we must remove "all" of this stuff.

Replace it with ...

Tenderheartedness - the opposite of being hard-hearted, calloused, unfeeling, refusing to understand another person's feelings or circumstances.

Forgiveness - because we have been forgiven we are to be forgiving. God has forgiven us on the basis of what Christ did on the cross. We are to forgive others who have wronged us on this same basis. Forgiveness focuses on the issue not the individual. Forgiveness looks at the offense from God's perspective, not selfishly. Forgiveness refuses to retaliate. Forgiveness purposely forgets the offense and specifically remembers the moment of forgiveness.

If you will remove all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking and malice and will replace what you have removed with tenderheartedness and forgiveness, you will have created an environment in which you can keep God's command to be kind one to another.

I never see Ephesians 4:32 without thinking of the Bykota Baptist Church in Amarillo, Texas. When I lived in Amarillo, I saw that church and wondered where the name came from. Bykota - B-Y-K-O-T-A. I was told that it was an acrostic for "be ye kind one to another." We should all be members of the Bykota Baptist Church. We should all be kind one to another.

Beloved, we are commanded to add to our faith kindness. It will probably revolutionize your relationships!